Sex should be for everybody.
But it isn't. Look at movies, series and books, and take note of how each of these media portray sex.
Then listen to conversations between your family and friends and remember their opinions about it as well.
You'll notice one undeniable pattern – the sex is between two able-bodied people. While there are many studies that prove this pattern exists, you don't even have to look past your surroundings to understand why that is – and it's because sex between two able-bodied people is more appealing, more normal as opposed to sex between people with disabilities.
Oftentimes, when this topic does come around in discussion, you'll notice a few common threads of thought: "They're disabled, isn't that hard to do?", "They're disabled, how're they supposed to put it in?", "They're disabled so how could they move in a wheelchair?".
These questions might seem harmless to us because of the assumption that we are asking with good intentions, but that isn't the case for disabled people.
That's because conversations like these are offensive because able-bodied people are already closed-off to the fact that sex can happen to people with disabilities.
That should change.
All of us, whether or not we have a disability, should be able to experience sex because it allows us to have fun, be creative and feel empowered in what we do with our bodies – and that's just talking about the emotional benefits!
On the other hand, better sleep and immune system are a few of the many physical benefits as shared by Oregon Health and Science University.
And what better way to break the stigma than by writing a guide on the best sex positions for people with disabilities? It makes sex more comfortable for them, without sacrificing all of the good stuff you experience while getting it on.
This is a slightly different take on the missionary. To avoid adding too much pressure to your joints, this position will have the one with limited mobility sit at the edge of the bed while their partner stands in between your legs. Then, your partner will either prop your legs onto their shoulders or onto a chair positioned behind them. Aside from relieving pressure, it also allows the couple the opportunity to have relaxed postures when doing the deed.
This position is a modified cowgirl. For those unfamiliar with the pose, it requires one of you lying down on the bed and the other straddling them by the hips. To make this more accessible for people with disabilities, use a pillow underneath the hips of the one lying in bed. This will relieve the additional weight on the hips and lessen the risk of fatigue or injury. If the person on top finds it difficult to keep their legs open in the straddle, they can flip their legs in front and rest them on their partner's shoulders. Then, to regain balance, they can place their hands back and rest it atop their partner's legs. This position will allow you to discover different sex dynamics with confidence and excitement!
Looking at You
We affectionately call this position as such because if your partner is on a wheelchair, you can still have mind-blowing sex by sitting on your partner's lap, looking into their eyes while draping your legs over the wheelchair armrests and riding the night away! Wheelchairs don't have to be a hindrance to your dirtiest fantasies. In fact, they can even become your greatest allies.
Nope, this isn't the yoga pose but it is a different take on the classic doggy style where your partner positions their wheelchair as close to the edge of the bed as possible and you carefully sit on the lap with your back facing them. Afterwards, you can bend over to your hands, or if you're mega-flexible, your elbows and brace yourself before bouncing the night away. Oftentimes when engaging in the classic doggy, our wrists and knees bear all the weight – this position lessens the weight and pressure, giving you relief, pleasure and less physical stress all throughout your sexy times!
Let's switch it up a bit and show you that you can do oral too! If your partner is in a wheelchair, they can definitely get close to the edge of the bed. Have you lie down on your back with legs spread and resting on your partner's shoulder before letting their mouth eat away at your erogenous zones. On the other hand, if you have the capability, you can kneel in front of your partner and pleasantly suck their life away with your talented tongue and mouth!
Last but not the least, this is for you if you want the least amount of physical and mental stress because you and your partner are lying down on your sides on the bed. Your partner with a disability can relax while you either give them oral, hand-job or slow, soft thrusts from behind. This is perfect to really avoid triggering symptoms of a chronic condition while enjoying the benefits of sex. Plus, it's an uncommon position that you can definitely use over and over, especially on days where you body is not feeling up to speed that time.
Together with Scarleteen, we're giving you a few pro-tips to help you navigate sex with a disability:
- You have the right to explore your sexual preferences and kinks too! So always remember to communicate what you want and work with your partner to achieve it.
- You know your body best so always observe its reactions to certain stimuli and don't be afraid to put a stop to the sex when it starts to get scary or painful.
- Be an active participant! Being disabled doesn't mean you're giving up on your body and depending on your partner to do all the work. Assess what you can do and do your best to make it come true!
- Educate your partner on the language that you like and don't like. So that they are aware of what is offensive to your disability and the disabled community as a whole, and proactively find the right ones to turn you on without hurting you.
- Always meet halfway! Just like any other relationship, it's finding the perfect compromise that doesn't short-change either of you, including sex!
- Don't forget about sex toys! Incorporating them into your shared experiences or using them during solo play is a fantastic option to explore!
There you go! a comprehensive guide to the best sex positions for people with disabilities. Remember that you also have the right to explore your sexuality and you should never let the stigma surrounding your disability stop you! You got this! Enjoy it!