It's no secret that people in relationships fight sometimes. And it can be hard to feel frustrated or dismayed with a partner; we all just want to focus on love. Fortunately, there is one positive to petty squabbles in a relationship and that's: make-up sex. Oh, yeah.
People love to talk about how hot and passionate make-up sex is. In fact, it's a common trope in TV/film for couples to have huge arguments and then get over it with some aggressive sexual intimacy.
Make-up sex is also really beneficial. It restores feelings of intimacy, reduces feelings of anxiety and depression, thus improving your mood post-argument. But how does anger (and other negative emotions) become arousal? Why do we love make-up sex so much? There are a few explanations:
1. Your Feelings Are Being Transferred
Sometimes, when you experience a very strong emotion, your logical brain slips up and confuses one emotion or feeling for another. This is because anger and passion are closely linked. during feelings of anger, your body releases adrenaline, your heart rate increases, and your cheeks become flushed. All of the above also point to something else: being horny.
And so, a big fight leads to some amazing sex. It’s simply a transfer of built up emotions.
2. Getting Your Point Across Can Feel Empowering
Holding something in for a long time or not feeling heard can cause really icky emotions. And while you may initially be nervous or afraid of voicing your perspective, finally communicating how you feel is an empowering feeling.
Being understood by your partner can also feel really pleasurable to the body. So of course, that might lead to some fun play after.
On the other hand, finally receiving context for how your partner has been seeing your relationship and behaving within that relationship can be erotic too. Intimacy is hot.
3. You Feel Closer After Overcoming a Problem Together
No matter how harsh the fight was, by overcoming it you are reaffirming that you can get through something difficult together. This alone can bring about a feeling of closeness, victory, and arousal.
It’s also a way in which partners to see their significant other in a vulnerable state, which, too, can be a turn on. Oftentimes, individuals fear being vulnerable or uncomfortable, but, of course, great relationships require you to be both sometimes.
4. You’re More Relaxed After Conflict Resolution
According to Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, sex after conflict is almost like the rainbow after a storm. She says:
“Resolving an issue or point of contention can result in a sense of relief — especially if you’ve been holding on to negative feelings and finally have the opportunity to express them. And when you’re more relaxed, you might find that your sexual response flows more freely.”
In short, avoiding conflict is not only bad for the relationship, but also bad for your sex life!