Gender is nothing more than a social construct. From generation to generation, we’re taught to believe that boys like blue, and girls like pink. Men should be tough and dominant, and women should be caring and submissive. 

Dare we believe that a woman could be a successful doctor. Why? Because doctors take charge, they call the shots… and that’s a man’s job, right? So very, very wrong. 

So today, we’re putting these gender stereotypes on blast, and calling them out as they are… completely made up. 

PSA: Sex and gender is not binary. It is in gender expression that a lot of growth and self-love is born, and allows one to explore their sexuality. 

Which is why incorporating gender play into your BDSM scenes is a healthy and fun way in which to truly feel connected to who you are and ultimately, live your best life. 

3 Ways to Embrace Gender Play in BDSM

1. Power Play

If you’re active in the BDSM community, you’ll know that the concept of power is one of the most prominent aspects of the lifestyle. 

For example, one may be a dominant, and one may be a submissive. In some cases, the power is exchanged, whereby one identifies as a switch. Either way, the dynamic works because each person has chosen a role that is congruent to their partner. 

And so, using a BDSM scene as an opportunity to embrace gender play with someone whose role is aligned with yours, and with whom you fully trust, is a great way to amplify who you are.

For example, perhaps you’re intrigued with a certain role, yet feel nervous or shy to commit or make it happen. Instead of creating a personality that’s comfortable with that role, why not use your own gender expression to tap into your role?

You could use clothing styles, mannerisms etc. to really get inside your head and use your identified gender as a means to really become the role you want. 

Think about what the role entails, and how you would like to be. What does this role look like, what does their voice sound like, what do they wear? In this way, you’re not creating a new persona from thin air, but rather tapping into your own self to become the role you desire. 

You can gain inspiration from your favorite characters if you like, adding certain attributes to your kink persona. Or, consult media resources to find something that helps you to find your connection. 

2. Creativity

While we’ve already mentioned that gender roles are made up, we’re going to take it one step further and encourage you to tap into your creativity, and challenge these gender roles. 

For example, perhaps you identify as a male but feel amazing in a short summer dress, heels, short hair, and a well-kept beard. If that’s your vibe, go you! Let your true self shine.

At the same time, a true BDSM scene will encourage you to be 100 percent authentic while feeling safe. It will be guided by consent, open communication, and trust, which makes it a happy and positive place to be your true self. 

Living your truth is sometimes not easy, but if you have a play partner that supports and respects you, this is an experience that will truly give you the freedom to get creative.

3. Vulnerability 

Another way in which you can use your BDSM scenes to incorporate gender play, is to allow yourself to be vulnerable. 

The thing about this is, no one really enjoys being vulnerable. To some, this state can feel shameful or embarrassing. Regardless, it is vulnerability that truly allows us to live our most authentic lives. 

Another thing to note is that one should tread very cautiously when it comes to vulnerability in BDSM play. If you are a submissive who would like to work through something with your dom, it is so important that there is unwavering trust, respect, and communication. This kind of play too needs a warm and abundant amount of after care.

An example of being vulnerable during a BDSM scene when it comes to gender play, would be when a submissive engages in age play. This could take the submissive back to a different state or memory that’s innocent yet perhaps emotional. These emotions are then magnified and could either be a healing experience or an accidental trigger. 

A bad example of vulnerability in BDSM when it comes to gender play, is using humiliation to make an identified female wear male clothing or act in a certain way that’s not congruent with what they identify as. Shame could be felt by the submissive, which could bring about feelings of arousal for the dominant. 

This is not a healthy BDSM relationship, which is why we say that, while vulnerability can be a good thing, it is about exploring it with someone that you know will make your emotional and physical safety their priority.

Finding the right balance is difficult, so take your time. We do not condone jumping into the deep end and laying yourself completely bare despite all reason telling you not to, but we love seeing individuals do what makes them feel comfortable, safe, and happy while being their most authentic selves.

You know who you are, use your intuition to guide you when it comes to living your truth and prioritising your happiness.