According to Oxford, the definition of sexy is: “sexually attractive or exciting”. But that's a pretty broad definition, leaving each of us to determine what sexiness looks like for ourselves. And of course, 'sexy' is also influenced by the media we consume and the biases we're taught.
For those reasons, we did a bit of research, talking with some of the Honey Play Box audience of different ages, genders, and sexual orientations and preferences. Some names have been changed at the request of those asked.
In this way, we encourage you to really think about the question:
What Does Sexy Look Like to You?
“Sexy in another person, is self-assuredness, eye contact, and kindness. They have the confidence to be who they are and look how they look and live how they live. They also have the confidence to celebrate themselves without being arrogant or narcissistic. I feel at my most sexy when I am wearing beautiful underwear under everyday clothing (my own little fun secret), and when I expose my back and shoulders. I also love having my summer face (a tan and my blonder hair means that I feel sexy without makeup). An activity that makes me feel sexy is when I feel graceful in my movement, such as dancing or swimming.”
“Sexy can take so many forms, but my perception of the word is acceptance and respect. I want to be accepted for who I am, and respected for who I am. That, for me, is sexy.” Gita November, a transgender sex worker.
What sexy looks like to me in someone else is probably more about the type of person they are, rather than the way in which they look. Sexy is confidence, kindness and compassion. The way a person treats others. I also think beards are very sexy. What does sexy look like in myself is a bit harder to answer, as I don’t really consider myself to be sexy. If I had to answer, I would say when I am freshly showered and shaved, wearing an outfit that makes me feel confident and a great shade of lipstick. I also love the feeling of not caring what others think. Then I can take on the world with the sexiest attitude!”
“Mostly I get turned on by knowledge and intelligence (both logical and illogical thinking). Being thirsty for knowledge is highly sexy. I also find restlessness and challenging personalities to be very sexy. And even though I am non binary, I believe I have binary tastes because of how I was raised. I find submission and passive behaviors in male-ish personalities to be sexy, but not in female-ish/non-binary-ish.”
“Sexy, for me, is a way of being. I have always felt sexy, and very sensual. For me, sexy goes hand-in-hand with my confidence. I am a carpenter and I still feel sexy. What I am trying to express is that it doesn't matter what you wear, how you look or if you're with or without new make up and a new hairdo. Sexy is a feeling. When I feel strong I feel sexy, when I feel confident I feel sexy, when I'm independent I feel sexy, when I get shit done I feel sexy.”
“Sexy to me looks like a woman who enters a room with confidence, a good sense humor, kind to others, short funky hair, androgynous, and tattoos.”
“You know when you enter a random space and somehow, you’re drawn to something or someone… like when you scan a room and your gaze sparks and for less than a split second the intensity of maintaining a connection is all that matters. It’s like a consciousness or a self-revolution that can be shared, but still entirely your own. Sexy is clarity while in unknown territories. And of course, sexy is about the unique rawness of bodies: all the special, unusual and remarkable stuff that happens between them and deep within.” - Neil Ryan Hassan, a researcher in how HIV-related policy influences sustainable development among gay, bisexual, and men who have sex with men.
“Sexy is confidence. It's that ‘Bam, I'm in the room!’ attitude, without screaming for attention. I think sexy is something you can tell before you talk to someone or exchange words. Sexy can be a look, or a comment I did not expect. But all in all it comes down to confidence.”
“Happy people look sexy to me. Sexy is feeling good in your own skin. When I feel in control of my life (work wise for instance) wearing my business outfit, closing a deal, then I feel sexy. I also feel sexy when I am working out or watching other people work out. I too love stepping into my new car, drinking my favourite cocktail, feeling the warm sea breeze on my skin. The list just goes on! Life is sexy!”
“Confidence does the trick for me. Someone who is comfortable in their own body is sexy right away.”
“To me, sexy is having my boyfriend's hand touch me when we are out. Either holding hands or having his hand on my thigh in a restaurant. Feeling his hand on the small of my back when we are walking down the street is super sexy.”
“Well, sexy to me, doesn’t look like anything in particular. It’s not just something you see, it’s something you feel, you taste, you hear. It’s a voice whispering words, it’s a scent floating in the air, it’s soft and sweet like silk, tasty like a perfectly cold glass of crisp white wine in summer. It’s an attitude above all, fuelled by a sense of self-love and self-appreciation that can light a room on fire, you see? Once you have it, it’s undeniable. Sexy is you, being you and loving it.”