BDSM most commonly stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. Today we are going to be focusing on the big "B", bondage!
Bondage is an exciting, popular, and enjoyable aspect of BDSM that can feel overwhelming to enter. Before getting into bondage, we highly encourage doing research on kink to develop an understanding of kink practices to use while exploring.
This article is a great place to start to learn more about kink!
So what exactly is bondage?
Bondage is the consensual practice of binding or restraining someone for the purpose of pleasure, intimacy, or differing sensations.
Bondage can inhibit someone’s movement in some parts (ie wrists or ankles) or can completely eliminate the ability to move. Bondage can also function by not inhibiting movement at all but instead inhibiting senses like sight -- think blindfolds!
So, how do you get started with Bondage?
First and foremost, before exploring bondage, do your research to figure out what you are interested in- the world of bondage is big and complex!
There are different types of bondage to explore so narrow down what your intentions with bondage are: the aesthetic, the restraint, the complete loss of control and movement, some inhibition of movement, all of the above?
There is Shibari/Japanese, which is typically done with the beauty, symbolism, and full restriction as the purpose. Shibari is what typically comes to mind when we think of bondage! These are pictures of people bound in suspension with rope all over their body. The rope itself in Shibari is usually natural-fiber ropes! This rope is made from bast fiber, such as hemp, linen, or jute.
Then there is western which is primarily done for the restraint and lack-of-movement aspect. Think handcuffs, over the door restraints, leg-spreaders, or under the bed restraints! The rope used in western bondage is typically for the activity without the added intention of aesthetics. In western bondage styles, unlike shibari, suspension is not as common and the rope is typically nylon or cotton ropes!
Another key aspect of exploring bondage is to do it with someone you trust and can communicate with! The use of negotiation, safewords, setting boundaries, and aftercare is essential!
Because bondage comes in many forms, the best way to get started is to do your research, determine what kind of bondage you want to explore, go slow, start simple, and do it with someone you thoroughly trust!
So how do I practice bondage in a risk-aware way?
Remember the "ABCS" of bondage!
The "ABCS" of bondage stand for:
- Airways should be unobstructed at all times
- Breathing should be gentle and controlled
- Circulation should always be maintained,
- Scissors should be nearby at all times to quickly remove restraints
The "ABCS '' of bondage are a helpful acronym to remember when engaging in bondage to ensure it is done in the safest way possible!
What are some good beginner bondage toys to begin with?
Blindfolds are a great introduction to bondage!
Blindfolds take away the huge sense of sight. Taking away sight takes away our primary protective sense, which is another form of restraint often not talked about with bondage.
For beginners, using handcuffs is a great introduction to the restraint side of bondage!
Handcuffs are a great introduction in restraining you or your partner's ability to move their arms. For beginners, handcuffs are also great as they can be removed quickly.
These handcuffs are made out of neoprene so they are comfortable, restricting, and reduce the risk of nerve damage that is prone with using metal handcuffs!
If you are curious about full body restraining, under the bed restraints is a great starting point!
Under the bed restraints are used by putting straps under the bed attached to wrist and ankle restraints that are above the bed. The wrist and ankle restraints are meant to fully restrain someone. Those who are interested in full restraint bondage without rope, under the bed restraints are a great introduction toy!
Last but not least, remember the 5 big things when exploring bondage:
- Be Educated – the more you know, the more informed your decisions will be!
- Be Mindful – know yourself, trust your instincts, be aware of what's happening!
- Be prepared – physically and mentally! make sure there are bondage scissors nearby, drink water, and eat beforehand.
- Know Your Limits – everyone has them; know yours, don’t be ashamed of them, and communicate them!w
- Communicate Clearly – about your intentions, hopes, and expectations; about your experience in bondage; as soon as you notice an issue, communication is key!
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Emerson Karsh is a freelance sex and kink educator, writer, and content creator! Emerson loves to write about all thing sex and sexuality to help educate, destigmatize, and promote sex positivity. Her main dream is to become a certified sex educator with a focus on kink to help those experience healthier, safer, and more pleasurable sex lives. Emerson founded and runs the kink educational Instagram account, @thekinkeducator.
