A Beginner’s Guide to Anal Sex

Many people treat sex the same way they treat a hair cut or a particular style of clothing. Once they find something they like, they stick to it and see no reason to change it. These people never try new sex positions, they’ve never considered trying sex toys, and they rarely engage in different kinds of foreplay. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?


Wrong. Sex isn’t an experiment with only one right answer. It’s not about finding one thing you like and stopping there. Sex is a buffet with a thousand different flavors. And, like a buffet, you’re missing the point if you just try one thing.


You might think that you’d never want to try new positions, toys, or kinds of foreplay because you’re afraid you won’t like them or they might hurt you, but that’s no way to live. You’ll never know what you like if you don’t try it, and you shouldn’t let fear of the unknown stop you from finding things you might grow to love.


So, if you’ve never considered having anal sex, or are afraid to try it, then this guide is for you. This guide is also for people who are interested in discovering anal sex and other ways to reach new kinds of pleasure. Everyone is welcome.




  1. Talk things through

  2. A lot of lube

  3. Get things ready

  4. Set the mood and engage in foreplay

  5. Start slow

  6. Penetrate slowly

  7. Go deeper

  8. Speed things up

  9. Go as deep as your partner is comfortable

  10. Mark the depth

  11. Finish things up

  12. Talk things through




  1. Talk things through:


You might be very excited to try anal sex, but don’t let that excitement ruin the moment for you and your partner. Before you begin, it’s important to remember that sexual intercourse should be about the pleasure of everyone involved. If you think that engaging in surprise anal sex with your partner is a fun way to spice things up and add spontaneity, you’re wrong.


Communication is everything, especially in sex. Before you and your partner engage in intercourse, talk to them about your desires and ask them if they’re comfortable with trying anal sex. You need to take a moment and make sure that both of you understand each other’s boundaries and levels of tolerance. Don’t guilt or manipulate your partner into trying something out. Anal sex shouldn’t be something that you make someone do because "they never want to try anything fun" or "things have gotten boring." Anal sex should be a fun, exciting, and interesting concept for the both of you. It will absolutely spice things up in your sex life, but it’s important to talk about your expectations and make sure that both of you are on the same page.


  1. A lot of lube:


First things first, lots of lube! The anus doesn’t have self-lubricate so to prevent any pain,

it’s crucial to use lube for all butt-related things, which can range from foreplay to

penetrative anal sex.



  1. Get things ready:


For many people, arousal takes time to build. Once you start engaging in foreplay and teasing, things are already on the way and building toward something incredible. Imagine that you and your partner have started engaging in foreplay. You’re both hot and bothered. You have taken each other’s clothes off. Things are heating up fast. Then you back away and go off for a few minutes to fiddle with a sex toy, some cream, or to struggle to rip open a condom…and the moment is ruined.


So, before you engage in foreplay, get everything ready and make sure that it’s within reach. When the time comes, you don’t want to get interrupted, and neither you or your partner will be very patient.


Remember that anal sex is available to every kind of couple. You can use sex toys to stimulate and penetrate someone anally and it’ll be just as pleasurable for that person as it would be with a penis.


So, if you’re going to be using sex toys, get them out and get them ready before you engage in foreplay. If you’re going to be wearing a strap on, then put it on before things kick off.


  1. Set the mood and engage in foreplay:


You should look at anal sex as a part of a bigger sexual intercourse session. If you rush into it, you might ruin the moment. Setting the right mood can do wonders for the arousal and enjoyment of all parties involved. Sex is meaningful, wonderful, and exciting. You shouldn’t get to the good part just to get it out of the way. You should build up to it and treat it like a climax. So set the stage for a lovemaking session that will entertain and pleasure all parties involved. Make things fun and special. Light some scented candles. Put on some music. Break out your favorite sex toys. Grab some chocolate syrup and whipped cream from the fridge. Make an evening of it and build up the anticipation for the main event. It’ll make things much more meaningful, trust us.


Once both of you are aroused and having the time of your lives, you can move on to the next step.


  1. Start slow:


Now that you’ve engaged in foreplay, things are heating up between you and your partner. The excitement is building, your hearts are racing quicker, your bodies are getting hotter, and you’re getting closer and closer to experiencing anal sex.


It’s important to savor the moment and start things off slowly. Start off by massaging the area around your partner’s anus. Caress their behind, play with their cheeks, stroke their skin. If your partner is comfortable with spanking (ask them first), then go ahead and spank them softly at first before increasing the strength of your slap. Ask them if they want to be spanked harder or if you’ve spanked them too hard.


Now, stimulate the skin around the anus. You can do this with your hands, your tongue, or the tip of your penis or a dildo. Move slowly at first, then speed up and work your way toward the center of the anus.


  1. Penetrate slowly:


Now that you’ve worked your way to the center of the anus, move past the point of entry and gently penetrate your partner from behind. Explore this new threshold slowly and gently. Take your time. Make sure your partner is comfortable with how things are moving and how fast they’re moving. You don’t want to surprise them now, they’re in a vulnerable position and they’re trusting you to make things enjoyable for the both of you. Stay at this initial depth for a bit, pleasuring and stimulating your partner here the same way you would stimulate the vagina just past the lips.


  1. Go deeper:


Once you’re sure that your partner is comfortable, you can start to go deeper. Remember to move slowly. You’re treading new ground. You can go pull back to the first area you were exploring and then penetrate slowly just beyond that point. Stimulate these shallow depths for a while and, when your partner is ready, get ready to go deeper.


Now penetrate deeper and deeper, still moving slowly, and start asking your partner if they’re comfortable. You want to stay on as straight as a line of exploration as possible here. If you penetrate and then start moving from side to side or changing your angle of entry, you might make your partner uncomfortable or hurt the inner skin of their anus. Be gentle. Move slowly. And stay on the right path.


  1. Speed things up:


Before you go any deeper. Start pulling back and then penetrating to the point you were at before. You can start speeding up now, but listen to your partner and ask them if they like how you’re doing things. Remember, you can speed up to get to any point you’ve penetrated to before, but you should always slow down before penetrating to a new depth. Your partner may have never been penetrated anally before, so their inner anus will be tight and hard. If you penetrate too deep, too fast, and too strong, you can tear this inner skin and it’ll be very painful.


  1. Go as deep as your partner is comfortable:


Now that you’ve penetrated your partner a few times at the same depth, slow down and penetrate deeper. Move slowly and keep penetrating. Ask your partner to tell you when to stop. There will be a point where their skin will be tender because it’s tight and has never been penetrated (if they’ve never had anal sex), so they’ll tell you when to stop or to pull out if they’re uncomfortable.

Keep moving deeper and pulling back or stopping when your partner tells you to. The important thing is to find a depth that your partner is comfortable with. They’ll tell you the right depth to keep things at for now.


  1. Mark the depth:


Remember the depth that your partner said they enjoyed most and stay there. This is easier to do if you’re using your penis because you can feel this spot on the inside. If you’re using a dildo or strap-on, make sure to remember where you were holding it or how much of it you could see when your partner told you to stop.


Congratulations! You’ve discovered and explored uncharted territory with your partner. This is a good place to stop for now. You can explore this depth, but remember that the inner walls of the anus are delicate. Don’t try to change your angle of penetration to hit the inner lining, as this will be painful and can cause a rupture, but you can explore up and down by moving slowly and asking your partner to tell you if it’s comfortable.


  1. Finish things up:


Keep penetrating to your partner’s preferred depth until you’re both satisfied. Remember to communicate with your partner and listen to them. If they want you to keep going, you should move slowly again as you penetrate deeper. If they want you to stimulate them in another way, then do so until they come. Like any kind of intercourse, the aim here is for both of you to orgasm. Don’t be disappointed if your partner doesn’t orgasm from anal stimulation. You’re trying something new here. If you come before they do, you should stimulate them in a more familiar place and make them come that way. If you don’t know how to make them come, ask them and they’ll tell you where to go and how to move when you get there.


  1. Talk things through:


Communication is key. After you and your partner are done, remember to talk things through once again. Ask them how they felt during the anal penetration. Did they like it? Was there anything about it that they would have liked differently? Were you moving too fast? Were you too harsh? Would they like to try it again sometime?


The more you and your partner communicate, the more you’ll know each other’s preferences, and the better you’ll make each other feel.


That about does it! You and your partner have now experimented with anal sex. From here, you can try new things, go deeper, and use different methods to stimulate your partner anally. Always remember, however, that you should move slowly and gently whenever you’re penetrating to a new depth and that you should talk things through before and after sex.